butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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