my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
