I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
