there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
