Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
