Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
