All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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