He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
