I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
