He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
