i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
