counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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