did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
