I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
