if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
