belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A+ Viking dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
