she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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