I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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