wanna go halves on a baby?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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