This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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