I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
