I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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