hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
