Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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