I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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