I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
