Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
