You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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