so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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