I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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