my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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