i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
