is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
