I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we have officially lost it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
