HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
