Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
