but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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