I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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