I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
