i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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