He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
