Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
