Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
