i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
where are my eyebrows?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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