It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
