So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
