Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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