I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
