Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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