piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
