I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
