My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
