I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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