apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
