Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
